I was born into a Christian family, everyone walked with the Lord, including me, never questioning my faith.
After marriage came my true test. Eight months into our marriage my husband decided he did not want to be married anymore. This came as a complete shock. One day when I was out with friends he moved his things out and said he wanted a divorce. This truly was the most painful experience I had ever endured. I had a heavy feeling in my chest like I couldn’t breathe. My stomach in knots I couldn’t eat and I couldn’t sleep. I had never felt more alone and helpless.
So what do you do when you have to sleep with the lights on so you feel less alone and barely have the strength to get up and go to work the next morning? You pray. I had so many long chats with the Lord. Even though I never felt like I heard an answer, I did not give up on prayer. My husband got himself an apartment, put the responsibility of all the household bills on me, and it hurt more as he was showing no sign of returning. I could not believe he was really finished with our marriage.
As I look back I remember that I was never angry, nor was I looking to honor his request for a divorce. In fact just the opposite, I kept reading the Bible, Malachi 2:16 “I hate divorce” and thinking to myself, that if the Lord hates divorce I must have faith that this will work out, because with Him in my corner, how can I lose?
Months went by when I got a letter from an attorney that he had officially filed for divorce. Wow did that hurt! At night I would hold my Bible in my arms hugging it, praying that the Lord would make me feel better and change my husband’s heart. I had all the support and prayers from my family and friends, but nothing could take away the pain in my heart.
Then Christmas came. In a room full of family I love I felt empty and alone. I called my husband who spoke with me then started to cry. He told me he didn’t know why he was doing these things, but now he felt like he had gone so far away that he couldn’t find his way back. As time continued to pass, I kept praying. I read the Bible from cover to cover three times just hoping something would leap from the pages and fix everything.
March came and my grandfather became gravely ill, which I shared with my husband. He asked that I keep him informed. A few days later grandpa went to Heaven and my husband drove down south with me to attend the funeral. During this time he asked if he could move back into our home. Finally, my prayers had been answered. It took almost a year of the most painful ordeal I had ever experienced, but my husband was finally coming home.
Remembering this time is still painful, even though it has been almost 20 years, but it strengthened my faith and brought me closer to the Lord. It helped me realize if you live your life according to the Lord’s plan, it will work out. He was with me the whole time, even though my heart hurt, it never angered, and never turned against my husband. Only the Lord could have made that happen.